as she touched me
the memory of you poured out of my heart
my eyes flooded like the pouring rain last Thursday morning
I could not control it, nor did I want to
there was a deep aching for your scent
to hug you and hold you close
you were the water to the garden
the sun to the flowers
I know you still exist because they continue to grow
from wherever you are you continue to nurture
I felt you when I opened the door
I thought you might be there when I turned around
I thought you might greet me
or say the words you didn’t say
every time I drive up the street that led me away from you
I go back to the night
the middle of the night
driving back home
knowing you were gone
knowing you were never coming back
knowing I should have stayed until they came
I would become the water for the gardens
and the sun for the flowers
if it would let me feel your pink knit pullover
if it would bring back your scent
I reached into the pocket of my black knit jacket this morning
within my fingers, I felt the softness of the tissues that took me through goodbye
instantly I went back there
I remember the sound of my boots against the pavement in the cold October night
goodbye hugs and tears, pockets full of tissue
heart full of emptiness
I refuse to leave them
for fear I might lose the memory of that night
I think of my mom, holding the goodbye tissues for her mom
and I know you were the water to my heart and sun for my soul
and I continue to grow
because somewhere you still exist