“Tonite I got up and walked out on a man in the middle of dinner for the first time in my life and I’m damm proud. No man reserves the right to treat any woman like anything less than a lady and that’s something I will stand up for ALWAYS.” SKM
My most recent FB book post has been getting a lot of attention. It’s easy to misinterpret it as a platform for feminist rallying. It isn’t.
Men are often and easily pegged as a-holes, and we seem to have forgotten that women have the power to ask for how they want to be treated and can do so in an extensive variety of ways. Some ways include, my preferred, very feminine and inviting approaches that create an opportunity for a man to step up and take his rightful place so very smoothly. Often, it’s just about getting out of the way and letting a man lead as they do so well and just smiling and taking it all in. I mean really what makes a woman happier than watching a guy do his gallant guy thing. But tonight, I did something I never thought I’d have to do but am realizing in retrospect, it was well overdue in my life. I got up and walked out in the middle of dinner. I didn’t make a dramatic scene, I didn’t get all crazy and angry, I simply said, I’m not comfortable in this, I’ve made it clear that I wasn’t, I have to go. And go I did.
Men can only be a-holes if we allow them to be. Women have just as much power over that in how they respond to what feels uncomfortable to them. As I sat there (pre-Exit) feeling afraid to walk away, not wanting to create any friction, I thought of how many other women must have been in this situation and nevTer did anything about it. I realized if I did nothing I would be testifying to the “okayness’ of this type of behavior. I would be “allowing” someone to lower the standard I believe in for relating with the opposite sex, or between people period. The point any human interaction is about bringing more joy, about feeling good? Isn’t it? Or did I get my wires crossed somehow and we’re here to feel bad? And so I got up and quietly walked away. Proud of the fact that I held to my standards and gave someone an opportunity to choose to act differently next time. I consider myself lucky to have had, for the most part, a really great dating life. I’ve always shown up the way I wanted to be treated and have as a result, always been adored and appreciated even in my unconventional ways. But I also consider myself lucky to have been able to act the way I did tonight in the face of unacceptable treatment. It is a gift to be able to stand up to the standards I believe in, especially when they are standards so many men and women say they want to live by but may not always have the courage to follow through on.
Like my dear friend V said, this has nothing to do with men and women, it has everything to do with how we treat eachother as individuals. Good on you she said! Yes, good on me!
Leaving the world better than I found it!
Related reading: http://www.skmecca.com/2010/01/09/confessions-of-a-sex-kitten/
Stand up and shout it out. It’s a good thing when you run into a-holes and the sort, gives you a better idea of what the future holds. It’s gracefilled.
Leaving a space that doesn’t feel good takes courage, self love &
“coglioni”! All of which you posses my friend…. much LOVE beauty!!!
OUTSTANDING Kimmie!!!! I finally got a chance to read your blog about this and have to say I am very proud of you. First, for not tolerating his behavior, second for not making a scene and just leaveng with grace and elegance. Personal standards are really the only thing we have, Why would anyone treat us with dignity and respect when most of us are so willing to lower our standards.
I do disagree with one thing though. You say that men can only be a-holes when you allow them to be? Men are unique in that many can be a-holes just because. I’m beginning to think some are born that way. 🙂
LOVE this blog post, thank you for standing up & showing men and women the courage to be courageous. I love that you did not make a dramatic scene- but showed more kindness by just quietly leaving… so many of us can learn from what you did and experienced. Thanks for being a leader, I’m so glad I stumbled across this blog (from Ron). Your perspective is beautiful! Thank you for posting this!
Good for you! So many guys have forgotten how to treat women. Hopefully next time he will think twice about how he acts and what he says. You may have given another woman, who wouldn’t have had the guts to walk away, a fighting chance. And that, as Ron’s commented, is gracefilled.
I love love love that idea – leave the world better then you found it… that takes a lot more love & courage & STRENGTH then anything else 🙂
thanks for your feedback James!
still think it’s up to women to teach men how they want to be treated, writing men off as born that way a-holes, to me, assumes that I have no power of influence in how I relate to people and how I feel in that. I believe I can either relate more effectively, or again, walk, and in walking, I send a message, that eventually, if each women does either of the above, will play huge part in shifting the current that has been created among these born this way a-holes… like wise with how men relate to women. The more men encourage women to become more intimate with their needs, prioritizing themselves on their own nurture list and engaging in their dreams and goals as a priority above other thing sin the their, the easier it will be for women to be empowered more equal players in relating without needing to prove anything to men, it keeps the dyanamic without creating a power struggle… your thoughts on my rant hahah?
thank you for your feedback Ashely! indeed, we must lead by example…. (O:
James…polarity is a better word than dynamic… thats what I meant!! remember Ron’s post about polarity men vs women? can’t find it now but i’ll get it you…
thank you for your input Robby! Indeed I believe women are just as responsible as men for how men and women relate to eachother, it’s a cooperative effort and I intend to make a mark with my contribution! as you just have as well!
thanks Rebecca! Indeed but it is well worth the ROI even if applied just on occasion.. it’s so fulfilling that it quickly becomes a habit!