“Tonite I got up and walked out on a man in the middle of dinner for the first time in my life and I’m damm proud. No man reserves the right to treat any woman like anything less than a lady and that’s something I will stand up for ALWAYS.” SKM
My most recent FB book post has been getting a lot of attention. It’s easy to misinterpret it as a platform for feminist rallying. It isn’t.
Men are often and easily pegged as a-holes, and we seem to have forgotten that women have the power to ask for how they want to be treated and can do so in an extensive variety of ways. Some ways include, my preferred, very feminine and inviting approaches that create an opportunity for a man to step up and take his rightful place so very smoothly. Often, it’s just about getting out of the way and letting a man lead as they do so well and just smiling and taking it all in. I mean really what makes a woman happier than watching a guy do his gallant guy thing. But tonight, I did something I never thought I’d have to do but am realizing in retrospect, it was well overdue in my life. I got up and walked out in the middle of dinner. I didn’t make a dramatic scene, I didn’t get all crazy and angry, I simply said, I’m not comfortable in this, I’ve made it clear that I wasn’t, I have to go. And go I did.
Men can only be a-holes if we allow them to be. Women have just as much power over that in how they respond to what feels uncomfortable to them. As I sat there (pre-Exit) feeling afraid to walk away, not wanting to create any friction, I thought of how many other women must have been in this situation and nevTer did anything about it. I realized if I did nothing I would be testifying to the “okayness’ of this type of behavior. I would be “allowing” someone to lower the standard I believe in for relating with the opposite sex, or between people period. The point any human interaction is about bringing more joy, about feeling good? Isn’t it? Or did I get my wires crossed somehow and we’re here to feel bad? And so I got up and quietly walked away. Proud of the fact that I held to my standards and gave someone an opportunity to choose to act differently next time. I consider myself lucky to have had, for the most part, a really great dating life. I’ve always shown up the way I wanted to be treated and have as a result, always been adored and appreciated even in my unconventional ways. But I also consider myself lucky to have been able to act the way I did tonight in the face of unacceptable treatment. It is a gift to be able to stand up to the standards I believe in, especially when they are standards so many men and women say they want to live by but may not always have the courage to follow through on.
Like my dear friend V said, this has nothing to do with men and women, it has everything to do with how we treat eachother as individuals. Good on you she said! Yes, good on me!
Leaving the world better than I found it!
Related reading: http://www.skmecca.com/2010/01/09/confessions-of-a-sex-kitten/