Someone sent me this article and it stirred up a whole lotta stuff for me… FABULOUS!
Subject: Casual Sex, yes it’s a risky subject for some, but nonetheless an educational article to be read.
Anonymous in her teens and 20s, she saw sex as a simple game of conquest and whoever had the most boys at the end won. Today she’d rather stay home than wake up with a stranger.
Even the phrase “casual sex” has a hollow ring that is bothersome; it’s a contradiction in terms. Where’s the casual part? Casual Dinners? Casual clothes for Friday, but applied to relationships, casual is a code word for apathy; forget casual the more accurate word is heartless.
As a society we’ve tried to simplify things by separating physical pleasure from emotional attachment. At the same time, we’ve started to confuse, sexiness with physical perfection. While we’re running off to our plastic surgeons for Botox injections and breast implants, we’ve forgotten that what’s really sexy can’t be bottled. It’s an inner spark that’s distinctive as your personality, being hot is a state of mind and its subjective. It takes two to generate heat. Desire demands emotion.
In fact, the alchemy of attraction is so personal and inexplicable, no one fully understands it. Poets, playwrights and novelists have spent centuries trying to grasp it.
Either way, a sexual experience is unpredictable, offering a rare chance to feel transcendence, an ecstatic state that transports people outside themselves_ the sexual embrace has a strong spiritual side and there is nothing casual about that. ~~~~~~~~~~
To this I say, we live in a society (in North America anyhow) that idolizes the “the strong and independant” woman. One of my favorite quotes is “The sexiest thing any woman can have is confidence, it’s much sexier than any body part” (Aimee Mullins). The problem with confidence is that we confuse it with strength , and really confidence is where strength is derived from. And here is where women get confused. The modern day woman’s understanding of confidence, is,… strength, and our current prespective on strength is male-driven. Which, to be quite frank, does not surprise me, the understanding of yin energy is so vague because the nature of yin itself is myserious and vague. And therefore a more gender driven understanding of strength escapes us. The basis for reframing the perspective on strength lies in the comprehension that our energies (yin vs yang) are so very different, and both have their own strengths. Women have so idealized male strength that they’ve wanted to become like them, and in doing so have weakened the connection with their own sacred nature, might I add, sacrificed the success of their relationships with the very energy they want to embody.
So I ask you, and by you, I would mostly be speaking to the women out there. Do you know where your strength or confidence comes from? Do you undertsand that there’s a compass inside you that knows everything you need to know and that instead if pushing forward you must learn to listen to it and let it guide you. Do you understand that your very nature is to pull people towards you? That your presence is meant to be a haven for those who need love? More importantly do you know how to love? Do you realize that you are a teacher of love, that you do not need to expend so much energy constantly nurturing others even when it feels counter-productive, but that, you teach, mostly by your example of the embodiment of yin? And to love, does not mean to be weak. Nor, to be in environments where you are not being valued. Your strength/confidence comes from the deep connection with your own divine beauty. This knowing of what you need. The knowing of what you must let go of and of letting go with grace. These are the elements that embody your sexiness as a woman. Putting these skills, that are inately yours into practice are where you become your most powerful. No amount of dieting, or cockroach-killers, or independant attitude can ever top this (although the latter are all fine when used with the right intention).
So the next time you find yourself male bashing, realize that it starts with you. That for every man who thrives on casual sex, there’s a woman who interacted with him who is disconnected from her own sacred energy. And that your work is to re-establish that deep connection with own innate nature. And watch the world fall at your feet.
And remember, as the world falls at your feet, your job, is to always leave people better than you found them. Your job is to love.
And for them men reading this, let your understanding and reverance for yin be re-kindled. In this, you will naturally look for these elements in your experience with women and therefore will be supporting movement. Be concious of your expectations of women and hold us to a higher standard. How? By holding yourself to a higher standard. It’s that simple.
Everyone has their part to play in the exchange.
Hey Suzy-Q … love what you’ve written.
I’ve discovered quite a few men who are actually waiting to have sex because of this phenomenon … where younger women are using casual sex to conquer instead of connect. Several of them have expressed they’re tired of waking up next to someone they can’t even have a conversation with and would rather “do it themselves” while they are waiting to find a woman they can create a connection with. — what a turnaround.
Perhaps in its own way the sexes are re-aligning by the very act of switching roles in the first place … or maybe there’s a new reality we’ll be open to exploring … whatever happens, I expect it will be massively enjoyable, simply because I love to grow from ALL of life’s wonderful experiences.
Much love to you,