1. The wise fool
  2. People like that: using inclusivity to avoid harmful generalizations
  3. Exercise is a privilege, not a chore
  4. Hardness VS Strength
  5. A Story About the Power of Giving
  6. The Joy of Cancer
  7. fade
  8. Huddled against each other
  9. The Gatekeepers of Humanity
  10. anyway
  11. Calling all teachers
  12. Caged
  13. How does the light get in?
  14. Early Spring
  15. Stacking up with open hearts
  16. The skin you didn’t know you had
  17. To be sorry
  18. Dear you
  19. Worthless – an interlude
  20. One question
  21. the story told by the triad
  22. the weight of the world
  23. The New Fair
  24. Befriending One’s Soul
  25. pulse
  26. Stay close, listen for my whispers
  27. because (prisoner released from rules)
  28. you
  29. sometimes
  30. The Way Out is Through
  31. Givers, takers and…
  32. Tear down the dams
  33. drop by drop
  34. Rising from the ashes
  35. One of the faces of courage
  36. unparalleled
  37. Where are you headed?
  38. You don’t owe them anything
  39. Restitution
  40. Technicolor
  41. Female Beingness
  42. Haters Gonna Hate
  43. How to heal a broken heart
  44. rainwater
  45. It’s almost never about you
  46. empty fullness
  47. indestructible
  48. Summer Nights
  49. Sowing seeds
  50. Perched
  51. your heart shaped box
  52. The Hollywood Fallacy
  53. Only
  54. Pacing Ourselves to Ensure Success
  55. traces
  56. Are we there yet?
  57. claimed
  58. breathing life
  59. Learning to fly
  60. icy mornings and summer walks
  61. The race to finish vs progress
  62. unraveled
  63. The time factor in relationships
  64. The seeds of your empire
  65. “Shoulding” all over others
  66. Apples and Oranges
  67. It’s here! It’s here!
  68. What women really want…
  69. a man’s heart
  70. Relationship ROI
  71. fingertips
  72. purple
  73. coming home
  74. near and far, now and again
  75. If you dare
  76. Actions follow feelings
  77. tri-colored comfort
  78. the secrets she whispers
  79. Look for what you are looking for
  80. love first, question after
  81. You’re not gonna get it done all at one once
  82. The Power of Being Human
  83. slowly
  84. The importance of depth
  85. the man’s secret weapon
  86. What I know for sure
  87. open wider than the hurt
  88. to live with an open heart
  89. not an overnighter…
  90. LIFE STARTS CLAPPING
  91. Why is a great question, when used properly.
  92. So you want more?
  93. Sipping Orzo
  94. the space between the knuckles
  95. something worth seeking out
  96. grounded
  97. the ship and the ocean
  98. Surrender
  99. The handstand metaphors
  100. A different kind of pregnant…
  101. Shimmering
  102. Felipe
  103. Felipe
  104. 1+1=?
  105. when you’re not looking
  106. The other way around it?
  107. A Family Christmas
  108. Could vs Should
  109. love as freedom
  110. just a thought
  111. discovery
  112. wasted
  113. Unmarked Boxes (Rumi)
  114. The Violin and its Melody
  115. A wise man does first what a foolish man does last.
  116. Dance me!
  117. like a cactus in the desert
  118. What do I need to stop doing?
  119. Look forward, take one step closer
  120. Unconditional conditions
  121. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer
  122. Facing one’s fear
  123. holding
  124. How to Tell the Rain
  125. narrow country highways
  126. The Way to Love…
  127. Stomping at Puddles
  128. Magic Moments
  129. In sync with Yoga
  130. The identity label..
  131. The Daily Workout
  132. The Joy of Freedom (redefined)
  133. Without You
  134. In the Palm of Your Hand
  135. Liz Gilbert on Creativity
  136. Lost – David Waggoner
  137. A shortcoming,… really?!?!?!
  138. Spiaggia di Notte – Midnight Beaches
  139. Accountability
  140. Quick tip to make your life easier boys
  141. A way to live (while you’re still alive)
  142. The love of a woman…
  143. People Watching for the Soul
  144. moment to moment
  145. The ♥ Files
  146. The Guesthouse ~Rumi
  147. Rocking a Woman’s Heart and Soul
  148. Guy vs Guy or Girl vs Guy
  149. Going back to move forward
  150. it’s no wonder
  151. On Men
  152. Leave the world better than you found it…
  153. The BAD places we visit
  154. What really changes the world? Jessica Jackely nails it!
  155. The Power of the Big Picture
  156. walking away
  157. lovely knows
  158. wrapped in white sheets
  159. childhood memories
  160. morning shelter
  161. lips, perched on the edge of a cliff
  162. beyond words …
  163. An Empowering Metaphor
  164. Taking Back Control
  165. The Joy of Freedom
  166. Relating Outside Your Imaginary Lines
  167. More on trust…
  168. Eyes Wide Open
  169. Painting of the Mind
  170. my own meditation
  171. lovely,
  172. Divine Inquisition
  173. Common Sense Nervousness?
  174. a quickie for the boys…
  175. Expansive Intentions
  176. She sat there 772
  177. On Trust
  178. 2011!!!! Ohhh yeeahhhhhh!!!!
  179. Brene Brown on Vulnerability: A MUST SEE
  180. Befriending the Void
  181. standing still
  182. On Being Open
  183. The Observer Effect
  184. Seth’s Wisdom on Inspiration
  185. The Human Body
  186. Open Sesame
  187. The path between friend is measured not in miles but in memories
  188. From CYA to relating like a Linchpin
  189. Life IS messy. That’s the whole point.
  190. peace
  191. To Take it Back
  192. Have to, Have to, Have to…
  193. stillness
  194. Essence of a woman via Coelho’s latest 10 second read
  195. someone else’s feet
  196. Controversial, for sure
  197. as deep as canyon
  198. goodbyes
  199. On relating in truth
  200. effortless
  201. Endings…
  202. In loving memory
  203. The Art of Love
  204. Shades of Green
  205. Q&A with James Archambault
  206. …just me…
  207. The purest form of love
  208. Pebbles at my Window
  209. letting in
  210. So you want in?
  211. Everyday Heroes
  212. Through his eyes
  213. scorned
  214. Being
  215. The Alchemy of the Sun
  216. Crevices
  217. Crystal clear preferences…
  218. flaws
  219. By the Willows
  220. The Human Connection
  221. Smooth Curve Ahead
  222. time is timeless, a story is written in the heart
  223. Why not answer the call?
  224. Creases
  225. Virabhadrasana
  226. Move it along, just move it along!
  227. Notice it and Let it Go
  228. Breathing space
  229. Garden Angel
  230. No Calculated Risk
  231. Ownership
  232. Follow the Chaos… somewhere over the Rainbow
  233. What’s it all for? Really?
  234. Pacing & Leading
  235. Church Bells
  236. There’s a crack, a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in. ~Leonard Cohen
  237. The purest love, loves without having
  238. Childlike behavior: a “precovery” strategy
  239. Bridging the Gap Between Two
  240. The Deciding Muscle Grows
  241. The Missing Piece
  242. Essence
  243. Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it.
  244. The Grand Canyon’s Heart
  245. The Church Bells said
  246. A good friends advice around “relationships”
  247. The Power of heeding to the voice of inner wisdom and using it to focus
  248. Presence
  249. Queen of Tides
  250. Reverie
  251. The Deciding Muscle
  252. Sorry, We’re Closed
  253. Chivalry. Dead?!?!?!… Think again!!!
  254. When creativity slips between your fingers
  255. Confessions of a Sex Kitten
  256. Think you need more money to perform better?
  257. Be the voice!

In circles of empowered people there is a huge fear of being in a negative state. As if people who know better must always do better.  Experience has taught me that the negative states are not always bad, in fact, they are often necessary.  Being in a negative state long enough allows for leverage to really pull out of it instead of finding a quick fix for it, sedating yourself from it, turning to an ineffective resolution method. As coaches we learn that pacing and leading is critical in helping someone get to where they want to be.  If you do not pace a person enough, you run the risk of damaging the rapport you have with them, running them off track, raising fears before you’ve installed the resources to deal with challenges.  Ineffective pacing can be very problematic.  It often happens when we care very much and know the person’s potential to move into where they want to be.  Leading before you’ve paced someone enough is like trying to shift gears without pressing down on the clutch.  The gear won’t open until you’ve pressed down.  You run the risk of choking, staling, grinding gears etc.  Leading into another gear has to be timed and synced.

The easiest  way to pace someone into shifting gears is to start with where they are.  Find the best feeling place about where they are. Find the positives, the ones they can associate to, build on them.  Have them relate to these positives on their own.

Having been in an incognito negative place for a a few weeks now, I finally in the last 48hours came out of mt own closet.  OK, this is where I am, let’s explore this place and see what gives.  Taking myself out of where I wasn’t that I wanted to be, I was finally where I was. In a negative state.  What I found is that this negative place felt much better than staying in the I’m not where I want to be state of mind.  There was a huge difference in being present with where I actually was.  I started first with that distinction, literally building on my preset negative state, drawing power from it, more and more power from it. Letting myself stay there to fully feel where I was and building leverage.  Pacing myself, pacing myself, pacing myself until right now being at that place where I am just ready to press down on the clutch and shift gears.  Such a huge difference from tying to shift the gear before I was ready to get the clutch open.  I had been, for weeks, trying to lead myself without the pacing, and people around me, caring so much, wanted to lead me as well, knowing full well my own amazing potential way beyond this crappy place I was spending time in.  But I’d been gearing up, knowing what I needed to do and knowing just how to do it.

So amazing is it when we understand the power of all emotions and how they serve us. The goal is never to shift an emotion until we’ve milked all the goodness it has to offer. Better to explore and explore and explore until the better feeling gear opens itself to us.  You can’t hammer a better feeling into place from a negative place.  You’ve got to shift into it, smoothly, just as smoothly as you kick it into 5th on that long highway stretch on a beautiful day, after you’ve been held back by 18 wheeler for 45 minutes. Shift shift shit, it happens naturally then.

Q♥

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5 Comments

Mo April 19, 2011 at 11:09 am

Hang in there Suzy! Glad to hear your making it though. God loves you!

Kaleena April 19, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Such a powerful blog! Thanks for sharing! Praying for you

Sherie April 19, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Suzy-Kim, it sounds like you are doing lot of thinking. I like that you are trying to come to terms with your feelings, and I think you are learning that feelings aren’t negative or positive, but they are, but our responses are often positive or negative. I really like your response when you came to accept your present as real. It is sometimes so hard to come terms with our present, our reality. I hope you have a community to share some of your thoughts and feelings with, and that you are finding love, grace, and acceptance from others exactly where you are, no matter what mindset. Coaches and pushing for potential is great, but sometimes we also need grace, and a hand up on those days that are tough. Keep looking for the positive, the hope, and new perspective. I hope what you referred to as a negative place is being filled with new things, things that bring you joy.

Suzy-Kim April 20, 2011 at 10:37 pm

thanks Kaleena, all is well, the beauty of life is that change is the constant vs stuckness… and as such all comes to pass as everything constantly changes!

Suzy-Kim April 20, 2011 at 10:38 pm

thanks Mo! All is well! Change is the constant being stuck is in passing…

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