A woman I know left her husband of 20+ years. It took her nine months to be ready to make the decision. It also took her a year and half, between the selling of the homes, diving of assets, managing the children etc to get to a place where she was settled in her own home, and most of the logistics were settled. Now the dust settles.
Why do I write this? … Because things takes time. A theme I’ve been exploring for months now. We don’t wrinkle our nose, blink our eyes and things are done. Endings, beginnings, in betweens, they all take time. But unless we observe the slow unfolding processes of everyday life, we won’t make this connection. Hollywood and the big screen has taught us that we snap our fingers and affairs are settled. Oh, how it isn’t so. It takes a long time to know the people we know. To determine compatibility with people, friends, business partners, jobs, etc. It takes a long time to grow a business. It’s not the day you leave your day job to launch your own gig that it’s all done. Or the day you meet someone you really like that you know everything you need to know about them, or the day you join the gym that you acquire those ripped abs. Our hefty nest eggs, aren’t born over night either – years of investments preceded them and will continue to nourish them. Decisions and commitments can be made in a snap, and that’s more than ok. But the unfolding, the ties that bind, the discoveries, the truth in the layers beneath the layers, the stable residual income, the deep abiding love comes with time. Because time observes conflicts, friction, affection; discovery, wisdom, understanding, learning, insight. It observes the peaks and valleys of life and therein are strong, resilient foundations created.
It took me 6 months of preparation to be able to start really putting meat on the bones for The Joy of Cancer,my first book. Then it took an other 16 months to fatten that baby up. It’s taken me 6 months to just start to make sense of how that experience has changed my life.
It took me years to switch gears and create the life style changes I wanted,they happened gradually, over time. Same goes for many relationships I hold dear. I think of one of my best friends that I care for very deeply, we have a rock hard resilient friendship, but it’s because it’s stood the test of time and we continue to grow it and in that space our appreciation of each other grows. But we didn’t get here because we rushed it or pressured it, we got here because we lived it, or rather, life lived us and here we are.
If it’s a business you’re launching, a life style/habit change you’re a creating, a body you’re carving, the seeds of love you’re planting in a new relationship – you can relax in the knowing that it’s going to take time. What you can do is strengthen your resolve, your commitment and enjoy the unfolding, knowing you can (and must) notice the progress but it will take some time before you see the big picture results.
You don’t see the process in the movies, you don’t hear the inner dialogue, or feel the character’s feelings unfold over time. Even in The Joy of Cancer, Olga’s uphill climb after her cancer post-partum was a long one that unfolded over several months and years. We didn’t write it as such because but we did close off with the concept that the process took time, and a book in itself could be written about the part of Olga’s life, and many lessons to be extrapolated from those years.
This process of change in people’s lives isn’t showcased much not because it isn’t interesting, it is, but because it happens so slowly that the ins the outs, the daily progress in and of itself is minimal. It only really be showcase it in larger increments. But it’s in that quiet mundane day to day that best sellers are written, genius ideas birthed, successful business launched and deep, abiding resilient love affairs created. Once you get that – you won’t stress about where you are, how far you’re not, how much you have to go. You’ll just make a decision and line up with it, day after day.
Your only homework – enjoy. it. Two hours at a time, same way you do with good Hollywood.