I could pretend that I don’t miss you

the words I hate to utter aloud

and that my heart  doesn’t feel crushed

as my day goes along

its hums in the back of my mind

tears stinging my eyes when I have a minute alone and it sinks deeper in me

that I don’t feel like I did when I was 16

because I do, I feel like when you left when we were kids

and that younger woman, then and now, although they are more spacious in your life, somehow I am always in your heart

time after time, you are still present and you still open my heart better than any man I’ve ever known

I feel like, in waves, as  if something has been torn from me

and not to question why you left again, when my heart opened

but instead of questioning

I smile through my tears at the sunshine

and the wonderful people in my life

I fill myself with the gift of my family

I open my body to bliss

to new experiences

I let love pour in and out of me

I open my heart wider than the hurt

and each time it grips me a little less

I relish in your bliss, the bliss you must feel,

now, wherever you are and as you move from place to place

I celebrate your courage and your mission

and your freedom,

I honour your journey

And I love you more than ever


I have let you go