We tend to seek out superhuman qualities in our partners as if our partners are meant to be superhuman beings. But really we should seek an openness and willingness to evolve and expand in whatever areas are important to you. For some it’s material, for others spiritual, physical, etc… Whatever it is – it’s being together that creates opportunities for expansion. Your relationship (s), just like your life – is NEVER DONE (until you croak), so why expect your partner to be completely done ? are you? are you done? done growing? learning? discovering?…. I didn’t think so.
Albert Camus said “To marry a woman who you love and who loves you is to lay a wager with her as to who will stop loving the other first.”
I’m really lucky because I have some amazing couple role models close at hand. After observing them closely , although I can appreciate how framing commitment in this type of wager can be great leverage for a man – I’m not so sure that long term commitments are so much about being able to stay in love as much as they are about remaining open and patient when one lags behind. Love is VERY resilient, probably more than patience. My mom has often used a french expression that translates to “a life with a man is long for a long time” meaning, it’s spans over years and years and much will unfold and there is much to learn (about oneself and the other). The biggest challenges we face in our relationships (and this includes friendships and family) is loving while we’ve grown and we’re waiting for the other to catch up and vice versa. That’s a real challenge because not everyone grows at the same time in the same way, we all evolve in different areas of our lives at different paces. It’s easy to love people when they’re easy to love.
The feeling of love, can be evoked with the right circumstances, triggers, new adventures… varying scene, environment, settings and ways of interacting. But true evolution may be inspired and stoked, but evoking it is harder to control than evoking the feeling of love. And waiting for someone to catch up when you’ve stepped ahead can be downright aggravating if not discouraging especially when some insights are tough to come by: Insert many repeat episodes of the same learning here. And the results of these “failures” affecting your own life…
Tying it back to my point of never being complete wherever we are in our lives, seeking out openness and willingness to change, to evolution, to exploration and discovery,or just OPENESS, that’s something worth seeking out, AND putting out from own selves. It’s an attitude and quality that will provide lasting resilience in all types of relationships.