The tendency, I believe it is fair to say, with dating, is to put best your best foot forward, especially in the beginnings of courtship (ah courtship – what a beautiful thing!). You know look your best, walk your best, talk your best.
I don’t know just how foolproof that whole strategy is. Really? Putting out an image that life is peaches and cream and that you’re always perfectly “put together” or shiny and happy? Just how realistic is that? I’m not saying ditch your manners, or throw romance and adventure to the curb. Those are worthwhile pursuits if you feel so inclined – and very effective with the ladies might I add.
One of the best dating experiences of my life came from a night where I was no holds barred, my blatant direct feisty self. I wasn’t digging his moves and I was blunt: get to the point dude, what is it you want? I literally told him to put away his fancy violin and have a an honest conversation with me and I would ever so gladly engage with him. I just didn’t feel like putting up with pleasantries that night. My friend was mingling with a bunch of his friends and I was politely waiting to cut in and say goodbye so I could leave. Two days later Mr. Violin and I found ourselves having a fantastic evening out together.
As I got to know him, I discovered that my sweet, affectionate, playful and deeply caring nature flowed ever so naturally – heck he’d already experienced me stormy and loved it. He knew, from day one, that I was stubborn and direct when I felt I needed to be. I didn’t have to “try” to be nice with him. Ironically, feeling freer than I’d ever felt, I was incredibly “nice”. I was probably the best version of myself I had ever been without ever trying to be anything other than myself. I was me, in my entire paradox, the way women usually are when they aren’t trying to be what they aren’t. And men (yes ladies, they aren’t that dumb) can tell when a woman isn’t being real to the core.
Of course, there were other factors as play, notably,the fact that a really strong man, naturally allows a woman’s femininity to come out, but that’s whole other story. Nonetheless, I hadn’t put my best foot forward that first night, I’d put whatever I was really feeling out. I was authentic. Given, it takes a special kind of man to handle a special kind of woman, still, authentic is THAT charming and powerful.
The subject of online dating has been on the forefront these days with many of my friends giving it go. Although it’s definitely not my thing and I guess that most online dating specialists would strongly advise against what I’m about to say, and I really am no expert in that dating arena. Nonetheless, if there is one place it is difficult to convey a truly authentic version of yourself, it’s probably on the web. If I was venturing into that world I’d tag on to the traditional here’s a little but about me descriptives a different kind of information. This is what I’m looking for (partner, part-time lover, or a guy who will shovel my car out of the snow), here’s who I am, here;’s what I love and here’s a list of the top 5 (0r 10) things anyone should know about me before they date me. If it was me, I’d say things like, I’m really cranky if you try to wake me up with cherry pom-poms and sunshine and lollipops – go with the sweet and gentle approach or just let me be, otherwise it’s at your own risk. I’m in my own world most of the time, I try really hard but sometimes I forget birthdays, or anniversaries, definitely anniversaries, never remember those. If you tell me what to do or how handle my life, or what I should do when I haven’t asked for your opinion, or you haven’t created rapport with me – I’m more than likely to ignore you until I feel like talking to you again and that could take weeks. I HATE being blatantly hit on by vulgar strange men, especially in the Montreal subway – you really wanna impress me, offer me your seat, hold the door for me, open the car door for me, chivalry is ALWAYS ok. I’m a big fan of it in fact.
I don’t know what your descriptives could be but I can tell you that you’re gonna get someone’s attention. Someone who is willing to be as real as you are and who right off the bat will realize you’re a human being just like they are and you have quirks. You’re more than likely to get started on a great foot, or at least on an interesting one. I’m just saying…