she sat there

willing her heart away from you

wishing it away from desire

remembering nights in the middle of the street

knight in shining armour

and her shielded in armour

terrified by your love

begging, pleading, prying the universe into one last chance

a lie

she would beg for as many chances as it would take

but just one for a night like that

for  a time like that

sitting there nodding her head

at how things turned out

what happened to you

what happened to the man in the boy’s body

that she ran from

time after time

could she not, just this once, with this now open advantage

have this last chance, have it a million times

for the man and the boy

that stood by her, that stood strong, tall and proud

resilient, patient and waiting

could he not please find his way back

and give her one chance without the terror

one time to do cartwheels basking in the glow of his love

to smile at him the way she smiled from inside, always

from the first night in a white shirt and light grey wool knit

and hugging jeans

shy and curious about the man in the boy’s body

she can still remember just how she felt

day one to the end

curious, afraid, happy, lucky, and then when he turned away,

completely struck down by her own lack of courage

she trusts herself now, you, one chance, over and over again

she would give it and beg it

sitting there under the frozen sky covering her watered heart

willing herself away from you and the plea to the Gods for one more chance

to this thing transcending the capital L

two powerful human  beings

the strongest, sweetest man on the earth

loving the most fragile and resilient woman from somewhere close to heaven