I cringe at every sentence that follows those words. Even when they’re my own. My brain just short circuits and erases everything that follows…. kinda like the mwa-mwa effect in a Charlie Brown cartoon.
What would happen if you replaced Have To with MUST. How different would your choices be? Your priorities? What’s important? Notice how many times you use that term in a single day and with reference to what? Things that when you take a step back, seem pretty trivial.
Nothing is imposed on us. I have skipped on so many events, experiences, that were Have To’s but not Musts. Why, because I look at the why behind the Have To? Take a step back, ask yourself why? Why do you Have To? Because someone will be upset? disappointed? talk about a moving away value. How empowering is that? What about because it will strengthen my relationship to this person, it will open good business opportunities, because it will allow me to grow in an area that I want to grow, and my favorite, because it will make me happy, bliss me out… Ah now we’re moving towards something !!!
When you look at why, it’s a lot easier to determine what is a priority. Now there are no Have To’s, now you mostly have MUSTS. And as T.R. so very well sais, people always get their musts. They must eat, they must sleep, they must shower, they must be happy, they must keep that special bond thriving, they must grow their business. A Must brings a sense of urgency as opposed the chore and burden of a Have To. Now it’s a lot easier to really determine which events, or as I prefer to think of them, experiences will move them towards their Musts. Another meaningless night out where no one will remember you made an appearance, has nothing on a meeting where you have an opportunity to make an effective impact, especially at the cost of where you really want to be. Are you not resourceful enough to create those circumstances. Are you not your most powerful when you are happy? Do amazing coincidences and opportunities not manifest a lot quicker when you are in joy? Does another trash session with your girlfriends strengthen the bond you really want to strengthen? Wouldn’t you be better off doing something that fills you up, so now you have something to give instead of feeling like you need to get? Or worse, like you’re not getting anything. What’s the point of Have To’s if all they do is take away from you really want. I’m not advocating that social events and trash session are useless, they have their rightful place. It’s the “I Have To!!!” attitude that makes it NOT worth your while. You don’t Have To do anything. You MUST make a choice. You choose, even when you don’t choose (because you Have To) you are still making a choice. Have To statements make us victims of our circumstances. When really, we are powerful simply by virtue of our ability to choose. The thing that you exercise most power over is what you choose to think, what you choose to focus on, your mindset. If you really Have To, then spin it in a way that aligns with your values, your Musts. Make it so that you are moving toward what you value and not being a victim of your imposed (or not) circumstances. At least you will stay in the energy of empowerment. The more you do this, the more you will begin to see just how choice you really have.
I have been chronically known for no-shows at times where I felt I would get more value from using my time otherwise. But I am also chronically known for showing up and playing full on. I value my time and yours. If I’m gonna show up, then it’s usually because I’ve given myself some darn good reasons to be there. Same goes for my relationships, my friendships, my peers. If I keep you a priority in my life, then I make it my business to make sure that no matter how limited my time resources are, you know, and feel that I value you. Everything you do, everyone you relate to is an investment, even down time to chillax is an investment. How are you investing yourself?
And if you’re somewhere moving from Have To to Must, right now, then exercise your power of choice in the Have To. I Have To do this and I Will enjoy it, I will make good from it. I’m going to BRING IT! And make it your business, while you’re in the Have To, that you MUST create an opportunity and let in something good. Even this small shift, will move you more towards your MUSTS. Soon it will be a MUST for you Have To enjoy, make great from, and choose how you invest yourself.