One of my greatest mentors has taught me to learn to interpret the language of the universe. Time after time, she has said to me, “follow the chaos, that’s where the lesson is, that’s where the shift is waiting to happen”.
A few weeks ago, I finally integrated this piece into every cell of my being. Chaos has been chasing me with its gifts for years, and I kept running away. We’ve had this game of tag going on for years now, needless to say, I was always “It”. I don’t know if you realize this, but it’s takes a helluva of a lot of stamina to keep out running the Universe.
The thing is, you can outrun it for a while, but you can’t outsmart it. Home one evening, recovering from my last marathon, the Universe, literally rang my doorbell, I mean literally. I stood there, my mouth dropped open staring at these two people wondering how in the world they could’ve eavesdropped on the telephone conversation I had the night before. How did they know that we were talking about a conflict I grew up witnessing. How did they know I was in the middle of a pattern repeat? I slammed the door as quickly as I could and spun circles around The Breadbox trying to figure out what this meant. Iva’s word crept into my mind, follow the chaos…. follow the chaos, follow the chaos. I just went to bed. Old habits die hard.
I woke up the next morning to that phrase wood pecking at my brain. Damn it, I thought. It picked up the phone, it was 6:30 AM, but I was tortured soul with a woodpecker in my brain. What followed was one of the craziest conversations I could ever have imagined, and the person on the end of the line would ditto. I went into it thinking I was gonna lay down the law, and make sure to make clear black & white. Certain things, I just couldn’t stand for. Somewhere in the middle of laying down the law curiosity got the better of me and I chose to follow the chaos. I was terrified at what might come of it, but the more curious I got, the more I realized this wasn’t gonna be a typical head to head laying down of law, no way hose, we were in unchartered territory. An hour and half later we both had a clearer understanding of eachother, and ourselves. Choices we’d made, things we hold so dear, past relationships we’d had, conflict in those relationships. This lesson has been knock, knock, knockin for a few years now. I’ve come away from that experience with a stronger belief in change, a deeper understanding of the chaos theory, a deeper connection to someone dear to me, gratitude, a broader sense of trust in the process of life, in relationships. I’d almost, dare say that forgiveness becomes almost unnecessary where insight & understanding flow. Clarity takes precedence, or rather makes forgiveness that much easier to practice. And of course, I also came away with a better ability to serve my own clients, for which I am so grateful for.
So the things in your life that throw you off, have you feeling out control, in conflict, lost, powerless; they are simply chaos. Call it pain if you like. But it isn’t. It’s opportunity. It’s like a muddy trail leading to bright sunny spot. Or the rainbow leading to the pot of gold. Or a river taking you out to open sea. All you’ve got to do is jump in the wild river and let the flow take you there.
Just follow the chaos Toucan Sam.