As a writer, and thoroughly an artist at heart, I got through some of the toughest times of life thanks to my creativity. I could weave something that felt beautiful to me, out of even the most painful experiences.
For the last eight months, I have been in an awkward and escalating position. Needing desperately to write freely and yet constrained by responsibility, conflict, and obligation; worst of all fear. And yet, I know so well, how words, when used properly, are of great therapy.
Tonight, my best bud said to me, as he wiped the tears, yet again, from my wobbly eyes, “Life will take you down some dark paths.” I nodded in agreement, windshield wiping my face with my hands. “And it’s time for you to start writing again, even through the darkness. And one day, you will have risen from the ashes and you can show readers what’s that like.”
I could sit here and tell you about the disgusting affects the ego has on our relationships, on our endeavours, on our experience of life. I can tell you that that the need to be right has us turn into monsters that weave stories founded in untruths. It has us hate people and believe in the illusion of separateness. It has us break hearts and act out of spite. It has us destroy our own hand built treasures. I would be justified in all of that by virtue of my recent experiences. And I can tell you how we can keep ourselves in check by practicing self-awareness. And I may, talk about all of that, at a later time.
I could also tell you, as I have in the past, about love and the immense power of an open heart that pours love out to heal anything, anywhere, anyplace. But I won’t tell you that either.
I’m going to tell you that sometimes, egos and cruelty (yours and other people’s) will shatter your heart and leave you winded, and you won’t know the answer(s). Or rather, you will, but you won’t be able, or ready, to articulate them, even as they whisper themselves to you. And that’s ok. Sometimes, you will be in so much pain that you will choose the company of strangers over the people you love, because the pain is so raw, like an oozing first degree burn, that you won’t stand to be around those who can see through you like that. It will be easier to visit the foreign, the new, the different so as to remember something else. And that’s ok too. Because time manages those things – and time, is the wisest of all teachers carrying all the answers you need. It doesn’t matter if you don’t hammer it into place, or rack your brain figuring it all out right now, or if you stray from the path you’ve defined yourself, if you don’t even have a path, or if you don’t recognize yourself or if you leave it alone for a while. You can’t get lost and some path is always there and you can write it, re-write, as you go. Sometimes, even when you know people are shaking their heads in misunderstanding, you’ve just got to go into the wild, not because it’s easy, or because it’s fun (and of course, some of it does thrill you), but because you know it’s where you have to be. I’m also going to tell you that, sometimes, leaving it alone, is the easiest way to find a solution to a problem. So go, wander, into unknown places, or re-visit old, very old journeys you’ve already travelled. You will always know your way home.