Resilient, enduring & fulfilling friendships do not happen by chance. Although the seed from which they grow may come from a force larger than thus, their enduring quality is the result of nourishment and nurturing. Like a garden- they must be watered and weeded and must bask in the sunshine. Their roots grow strong and their stems tall and their leaves far reaching from attention, presence and acceptance. It’s not the quantity of time that is given them but the quality. And space, for each individual to explore and evolve. Like leaving room in between lettuce plants in order for them to grow. Metaphysically, this room to breathe is so often overlooked but necessary – for it is in this space that the roots absorb the water without flooding. That the sunlight nourishes without scorching.
My closest relationships are ones that I have nursed into long lasting resilience, their strength is solid but their love is gentle and ever flowing. My mom, by her own hand taught me this in how she nursed her relationship with me into being; teaching me the importance of nurturing relationships and feeding them like we plants, babies, investments. But it is now, with my own experience of nursing my own relationships into being that I have understood the importance of breathing space. The room to breath that I have given and been given in my own relationships has proven to be invaluable to my own evolution. Incredibly strong and wise women, coming together and having a profound impact on each other’s lives and yet it was the space between these profound encounters that allowed the profoundness to blossom into palpable wisdom in application in my daily life, and theirs.
My closest girlfriends are no longer a hop and skip away – across the city, across the province and across the universe. The adjustment to this change in proximity was scary at first, and I’m still adjusting. Not because I need massive amounts of time with the people I love (I’ve always favoured quality over quantity – and because I’m busy birthing my own personal endeavours), but because the (beautiful) freedom of access has been limited, in some cases, severely. But over the last few days, I have realized that our roots being so strong and solid, the distance has only deepened the reach of our bonds, the space allowing for appreciation to grow beyond what we ourselves imagined it could be. And, more importantly, if you value evolution of all sorts, the breathing space acts as an incubator for whatever seeds of wisdom and love were planted in intimate exchanges. My NLP trainer once said to me as he pointed to the knuckle surface of my hand “The knuckles are the sessions where the seeds are planted, but” he said as he pointed to the grooves in between my knuckles, “it’s often in the space in between that the magic happens.” This phrase has proven to be a small tidbit of massive wisdom that has served me over and over and no doubt will continue to do so.
Bathed in these vital elements – presence, attention, acceptance and breathing space, a deep sense of love is born. And I believe this to be a powerful formula for the success of any relationship.