she sat there
willing her heart away from you
wishing it away from desire
remembering nights in the middle of the street
knight in shining armour
and her shielded in armour
terrified by your love
begging, pleading, prying the universe into one last chance
a lie
she would beg for as many chances as it would take
but just one for a night like that
for a time like that
sitting there nodding her head
at how things turned out
what happened to you
what happened to the man in the boy’s body
that she ran from
time after time
could she not, just this once, with this now open advantage
have this last chance, have it a million times
for the man and the boy
that stood by her, that stood strong, tall and proud
resilient, patient and waiting
could he not please find his way back
and give her one chance without the terror
one time to do cartwheels basking in the glow of his love
to smile at him the way she smiled from inside, always
from the first night in a white shirt and light grey wool knit
and hugging jeans
shy and curious about the man in the boy’s body
she can still remember just how she felt
day one to the end
curious, afraid, happy, lucky, and then when he turned away,
completely struck down by her own lack of courage
she trusts herself now, you, one chance, over and over again
she would give it and beg it
sitting there under the frozen sky covering her watered heart
willing herself away from you and the plea to the Gods for one more chance
to this thing transcending the capital L
two powerful human beings
the strongest, sweetest man on the earth
loving the most fragile and resilient woman from somewhere close to heaven
Q♥