We tend to seek out superhuman qualities in our partners as if our partners are meant to be superhuman beings.  But really we should seek an openness and willingness to evolve and expand in whatever areas are important to you.  For some it’s material, for others spiritual, physical, etc…  Whatever it is – it’s being together that creates opportunities for expansion.  Your relationship (s), just like your life – is NEVER DONE (until you croak), so why expect your partner to be completely done ?  are you?  are you done? done growing? learning? discovering?…. I didn’t think so.

Albert Camus said  “To marry a woman who you love and who loves you is to lay a wager with her as to who will stop loving the other first.” 

I’m really lucky because I have some amazing couple role models close at hand.  After observing them closely , although I can appreciate how framing commitment in this type of wager can be great leverage for a man - I’m not so sure that long term commitments are so much about being able to stay in love as much as they are about remaining open and patient when one lags behind.  Love is VERY resilient, probably more than patience. My mom has often used a french  expression that translates to “a life with a man is long for a long time” meaning, it’s spans over years and years and much will unfold and there is much to learn (about oneself and the other). The biggest challenges we face in our relationships (and this includes friendships and family) is loving while we’ve grown and we’re waiting for the other to catch up and vice versa.  That’s a real challenge because not everyone grows at the same time in the same way, we all evolve in different areas of our lives at different paces. It’s easy to love people when they’re easy to love.

The feeling of love, can be evoked with the right circumstances, triggers, new adventures… varying scene, environment, settings and ways of interacting. But true evolution may be inspired and stoked, but evoking it is harder to control than evoking the feeling of love. And waiting for someone to catch up when you’ve stepped ahead can be downright aggravating if not discouraging especially when some insights are tough to come by: Insert many repeat episodes of the same learning here.  And the results of these “failures” affecting your own life…

Tying it back to my point of never being complete wherever we are in our lives, seeking out openness and willingness to change, to evolution, to exploration and discovery,or just OPENESS, that’s something worth seeking out, AND putting out from own selves. It’s an attitude and quality that will provide lasting resilience in all types of relationships.

Q♥

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places I’d never think I’d see

wide, open, glimpses of other’s lives

carried now within my soul

and my heart feels like it will burst open with gratitude

I yearn for you to open me

I want to share it with you

while it incubates for the rest of the world

like a painter obsessed with a canvas

and an actor in character

this adventure is far beyond my wildest dreams

paradigms inversed, split open

like atoms reproducing,

my life falling into the universe as its entirety falls into mine

and I want to to crawl into your warm arms

at the end of the day

and know that I’m still alive

still human even though I feel more human that I’ve ever felt

want to lie with you and just feel the simple things

the things that don’t need words to be explained

the rise and fall of your breath in your chest

the rustle of leaves

the pitter patter of rain

the feeling on your warmth

the scent of your face

how I love to run my nose against the creases and breath you in

the feel of your eyelids on my lips

all real, without being more profound than they need to be

in all of those

the entire universe is simply contained

and I can be simply human

and my heart can breath

without almost bursting open from the parallel universe of art that is inundating my spirit

and then maybe

in the darkness I can quietly whisper glimpses of this parallel world

as if whispers will minimize the size of the art

as if whispers will minimize the impact on my life

as if letting you in on my secrets lifts the weight of it all

simultaneously letting you in

so we may climb the new heights

together

instead of me standing there filled, and wearing with the raw nakedness of others

holding your hand, keeps me grounded

while everything else expands

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I  am the ocean

and you the ship

without me you could not travel

and without your direction, we would not get anywhere

I know you become fearful at my never ending vastness

and depth

but you must know that your consciousness is the force that calms my waves

I may be omnipowerful and uncontrollable

but I need your strong focus to reach all my depths

no other presence will suffice.

I beg of you to claim me

make of me your unmarked territory

to forever be explored

and plant your flag with your penetrating presence,

moment to moment.

Can you not feel my yearning, to have you cross my depths

with your unbendable and gentle persistence

I will keep opening,

unfolding to you,

layer by layer.

the chaos of my waves claimed by your vast consciouness

I take you in

wanting to be filled more and more

as you empty yourself into me

feel me opening

and

feel yourself opening

as you die a thousand deaths

mine included

with each time, diving deeper into me

opening me

I am forever marked, yours.

♥

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The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. -Vince Lombardi

Most women have become very adept at “doing” and this is a great thing. We’ve created careers for ourselves, we run organizations, we manage families and schedules, we make big decisions all day long. We make big things happen.  All very useful.  However, there is an aspect of the feminine that cannot come alive to its fullest and weave it’s magic when we work so hard.  Our real work, now, as women is to re-learn our own essence.

I see so many of us, that includes me, working, working, working, hard and buying into masculine ideals and adopting them as powerful tools for our own well being.  It’s good to be aware of them, It’s great to know how to use them, what;s even greater is to know when to use them.  Slam it out of the ballpark if you can remain open and surrendered while using them when they should be used.

I’m talking the opposite of feminism here – I’m talking about taking feminism to a whole other level.  in the realm of man vs woman, we were intended to be polar equals. And  in the realm of humanity:  there are no equals, rise above that definition. There is only unique authenticity , which far outweighs the power of equality in an evolving and expanding consciousness sense. We’ve attained the necessary equality (in North America anyway) but we gave up our unique powerful essence in exchange for it.  It’s not an either or, it’s inclusive and expansive.

Practice, and practice often, opening and surrendering – not fixing, not wiping clean, not taking action, complete and utter surrender to our own selves and to a force much greater than us. That, is the work!

Peace,

Q♥

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I decided to close off my week with an invigorating and inspiring Jivamukti class with Frances last night.  All was going really, spectacular even, until our last posture.

“Ok find a partner” we’re going to work on Adho Mukha Vrksasana”

I was too busy processing “find a partner” to realize what Adho Mukha Vrksasana was.

“Great!” I thought, if I wanted a partner yoga class, I’d have chosen a partner yoga class, brought my own partner so I  would not have to practice with a stranger.  The other yogis around me seemed to be cringing as well.  The girl next to me seemed cool even though she had that dear stuck in the taillights look on her face.  I immediately decided I wanted to team up with her.  We were around the same height and build so I figured that was a plus whatever we were going to be working on.   We signlaed to each other with a nod like two rebels on a mission to get through this as quickly and smoothly as possible.  As we did that, we both heard a hint of playful sarcasm in Frances’ voice, “wow, you all seem really excited about this handstand – good thing the door is locked”.  Our jaws dropped.  Jennifer, my new partner, looked terrified, I think I saw her scan the studio for the closest exit.  I had a flash of my last static handstand, three years ago which ended up in a sprained wrist and three weeks off work.  I felt myself clench from within.  No way I could go there again. I had been avoiding most level 2 classes for this reason, even though I can practice many of the postures, I wasn’t ready for this one again yet, or so I thought.

“Breathe”  I told myself, “you’re a different person that you are then and you’ve been training really differently.”  I didn’t believe myself, mainly because I still use my forearm and elbows in side plank because I’m afraid to strain my wrists, in fact I had done that just 10 minutes prior in our plank routine.  Anyway, it quickly became evident that Jennifer was panicked and she believed  she could not do this. She too, was really worried about her wrists. I stepped up, “Look, yoga is about meeting yourself where you are, we’ll go at our own paces and if we can’t go all the way, that’s fine, we’ll celebrate how far we took ourselves.  I promise I won’t let you fall” I told her.

We were working with the wall for balance. I offered to go first.  Jennifer would push against my leg extended outward so that I could leverage pulling myself up. As I came into the posture I realized I definitely had the strength I needed to support myself, and I could even draw deep into my abs to pull second leg up without Jennifer pushing it up for me.  Strength wasn’t the issue, I realized,  it was the fear of the unknown.  Where was the wall? when was I going to reach it?  Would the wall not meet me and I would thereby fall off the edge into another universe?  I panicked without that sense of insecurity – it was a really metaphor for jumping into the unknown and trusting life to meet you where you are.  And there was Jennifer’s voice, you’re almost there, just a little more, you’re doing amazing!  I HAD TO trust there, she was the only concrete I had, standing upside down my legs to the sky with no solid ground to meet my feet. And I learned to trust, to rely on someone, something I don’t much of.  I usually venture out alone and pull myself through and out of everything I wander into.  I draw upon myself constantly.  Last night, I drew upon Jennifer’s guiding voice.

The wall met both my legs, I didn’t fall off the edge into a parallel universe. I felt immense joy standing there upside down, feeling all of my strength, my power and exploring a whole different perspective. My partner was amazed at how I was able to hold the pose, I could have stayed in it a lot longer but I figured don’t push your luck, you have to do it a second time, be nice to your wrists, this is their first time back. That part didn’t amaze me, it felt natural, but I was amazed at the huge leaps and bounds I’d just taken – leaping into the unknown, trusting my body, this total stranger and life; all three of them to meet me where I’m going and provide everything I needed to get there and be there, joyfully.

Bring on the inversions, I’m definitely ready to leap!

-Fireyogi

oh, and if you’re wondering how beautiful and sweet Jennifer did: she was awesome, she made it all the way up both times, she wasn’t ready to hold it yet, but she made it up and that itself is amazing, the mere fact that she tried despite her fear, was something to be celebrated.  I have no doubt she’ll get there again and again!

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I heard an amazing metaphor the other day in an Abraham discussion.

Everyone knows (or should know) that there is no stronger relentlessness than that of a woman who wants a baby.  We may be a tenacious breed, and I may one of the most tenacious  among us but I have never seen more tenacity than that of a woman who desires a child. In my observation, of all the desires woman have, this one is by far the strongest when (if, and when) it it is birthed within her.  It’s persistence is so strong, it’s scary.

That being said, often the reaction to be being pregnant is one of sheer delight.  How interesting this is, she doesn’t have a baby yet, and she’s filled with joy and excitement because she knows she is pregnant and the baby – the thing she really wants more than anything in the world, is on its way.

What if we looked at everything in our lives this way?  Every dream you dream, every desire that comes forth from within you, every pull and tug you feel towards something, is a planted seed, an embryo, that you are now pregnant with.  You don’t have to keep feeling like its outside of you and you don’t have to keep feeling apart from it.  It’s inside you now and what is your job as a pregnant person?  Take your vitamins, prep the baby room, the baby clothes, take care of your self, make every aspect of your life ready for the delivery of this dream.  And even if you don’t work that hard at it, you’re still pregnant.  Even if you don’t have the crib ready, you’re still gonna give birth to this baby!  I’ve had intentions I’d set and forgotten about, that came to fruition a year later, unexpected, without me even lifting a finger.  I had planted that seed, smiled about how exciting it was and there I was, a year later, holding this baby (well a book in my case), that I’m still growing now as we speak.  I’d remembered that desire, I was happy about it but I really didn’t go around scheming about how I would make it happen – looking back now, with this new metaphor, I understand so much more about that experience and other experiences that have come into my life that I had been happily dreaming about.

If we treated all our desires this way, we wouldn’t be so pain staked. We would spend so much more of our lives in joy at being pregnant. Happy, sometimes nauseated with morning sickness, but still happily pregnant.  We’d go about our merry way until it was time to give birth and the thing about giving birth is, you don’t really decide the exact moment, you know it’s coming, you can feel it coming, but you don’t really know where you will be, how it will happen, you just celebrate that its coming and welcome it with open arms when it finally arrives!

Much love!

Q♥

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her body laid before him

like an angel, slain and split open

like a sacrificial offering

with each slow strum of his fingers

a chord resonates through her body

the curves of her silhouette reflected in the luster of his guitar

each curve leading to the next

and from one chord to another

she is reunited with her beloveds

hands

the music running over her smooth skin

as warm water from a brook gently rolls over

the bedrock

smoothing its curves more and more

with each of its passings

she lays there

open

deeply

allowing herself to be softened

by the touch of his music

being pulled into him being pulled into her

his music to her body

her body to his fingers

through the tune of his chords

curves being reflected in the shining blackness of his case

like lights shimmering on lake at midnight

one cannot tell where one ends and one begins

yet they are separate

in their perfect unity

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Not wanting to say your name or share it

knowing you are my very own Felipe

I’ll say only that and whisper your name in my heart

and casually in conversation as if you were an eternal part of life

and still are

you are what I know now a man is

not everything to me

oh I know you call it timing -and maybe so it was

for both of us

and we both ware running fast, wanting to escape and destroy our pasts

my past that keeps coming back, again and again

and yours that tried to kill you

but strong you are

i could sit and watch you for hours

under the shiny starts

you always let me choose

watching you care for both of us

embracing you embracing me

I feel so sad sometimes

but mostly I don’t cry because it’s voer

I smile because it happened

you, to me,

me, ever so amazed

you knew what to do and say

you know how to hold me

pulling me in, lifting me up, spinning me around

I had never been so thrilled

but mostly I loved flowing back into you

I loved knowing you were happy with me by your side

still,

still,

still,

it’s a story with no ending

now I have a mold to work with

things to fill and things to leave behind

places left untouched

and crevices opened up

ready to gush out, like they did in your arms

gushing affection to and from

in magical exchanges

where much was said with so few words

My very own Felipe.

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“I loved him overwhelmingly again, at that moment, for his great goodness.  You can take this man anywhere, I thought to myself, and he will always know how to comport himself.”  Liz Gilbert, in Committed, about Felipe asking for not one, but two servings of frog at dinner with Keo’s family.

(for my very own Felipe, short, but so very sweet, just long enough for me to learn who I am and what a true man is and is NOT)

2012-01-01

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A recipe for disaster, well in my opinion anyway : …the singular fantasy of human intimacy: that one plus one, will somehow, someday, equal, one” Committed, Elizabeth Gilbert

This is my biggest fear.  Why would we want to be one?  I like being me. the last thing I want to lose is being me. Being me, allows me to be “with” you, and you, are wonderful when you let me be me. Being me, means I get to be the woman and you get to be my man.  Could there not be a better attribution of roles?  This is not a push for woman’s independence.  These are not even terms I think in. There may be a lot of “strong” women out there, but put them beside a really strong man and you’ll see a completely different aspect of these women. That’s all it takes. Being me, means I get to be the lady who melts your heart and you get to be the man I trust.  You get to do all those awesome things men do for their lady and I get to beam at you in admiration for it. If we become “one” where do I end and where do you begin?

Becoming “one” is not the answer to love’s prayer.  You fall in love with someone because of who they are, or better yet, if you are really lucky, because of who you are when you are with them. These are two separate entities that complement each other  and they are necessary to create the dynamic that relationships thrive in.  Somewhere between being needy and being independent lies a happy medium that has polarity between two entities  that includes both aspects of these opposites. And in this polarity the strengths of both partners comes into play and these are very different strengths.

That’s where I want to live. I want to live in my strength so that you can live in yours.

Q♥

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